When I was a kid, I was the strange not-cool girl in the back of the classroom. I was one of the last ones to be elected for games. I wore uncool clothes. My parents could first afford the BALL t-shirt that all the other kids had, when they where going out of style.
All I wanted to do was to get other people to like me.
But I was bullied for being strange. Then I emphasized the strangeness and started wearing weird makeup and got a punker-boyfriend in Walthamstow London.
I became a Goth Girl working for Apple Computers.
I became an indie girl working for danish startups.
I became strong enough to throw my boring boyfriend back to the netherlands.
I met the love of my life.
I became a mother.
A cherished advisor and rockn’roll chick
but why ? what drove me ? I think it was the constant craving for love.
I came from a home where money wasn’t something we had, but we never lacked anything. Some of my friends got on shopping spree’s on their parents money.
I got 3 newspaper routes that all my family helped out with. I can still see my lovely great-grandmother standing and putting newspapers together, on a friday night.I still get tears in my eyes thinking of her.
And I can still hear my dad shout at me at 6 a.m. on a saturday morning to get out of bed so we could be done with the newspaper routes at 10.
In retrospect I guess I was raised with the notion, that if I decided to work hard, the community and my family would support me and help me out. Money wasn’t something that was given. It was something that was earned.
And I used all my hard-earned money to make people love me. To esteem me higher. The parties. The Bertoia chairs, the eames rocker, the royal copenhagen set. The Camilla Skovgaard wedges I have never worn. The monthly gotta-have styles from ASOS. I used all my money to be the FIRST one to be elected for games in primary school. I have done this for ages. Until something called a financial crisis happened, and I met someone very dear to me who opened my eyes to something more spiritual and insightful. Suddently money was something that needed to be kept and made, prices was not something to be hightened, but lowered and you needed to work your ass off to get ends to meet.
Actually my personal focus went from spending to keeping, growing and selecting. There’s a whole personal side to these things as well. But I finally saw one of the largest problems or patterns within me. That I needed to shift from asking other people “if they loved me now” to asking myself if “I love myself now”. I needed to create boundaries for myself and other people.
And I do that all the time now. I listen to myself and feel if I love myself. I don’t really spend any money – au contraire a lot of my time goes with creating and learning more about money on super cool websites such as learnvest, dailyworth and others. I found out that I loved myself most if I served the people close to me, the people I really like to be around. Readers of henrietteweber.com. My business rockers. My wonderful geek girls. My network, my friends and my lovely family.
And somewhere along the lines I went from being a wild child teenager who was misunderstood, to realize that I was not only a woman now, a mother, a entrepreneur- but a woman with a plan! both for the business, the world, myself and my family.
One of the biggest places I can see this, is in my speaking gigs. I feel so comfortable on stage now. I feel like I was born there. People say I look like I was born there. I used to be dead-nervous and think that rotten tomatoes would come flying at me at any time.
Now I really want it. Actually I want a lot of things now, but none of them can be purchased with money and none of them are to impress others. The things are something that comes from serving. By working. By planning.
And I think I can finally say I love myself now. I have that inner business bliss. I think I do cool sh*t. I know where I am supposed to be and what I am supposed to long for and it’s right here in my own hands.
Let’s get started on that inner (business) bliss rockers, it’s super important for business.