I will be trying to write an article a day for the whole of easter – hope you will enjoy it as much as me. I am writing from my atelier terrace in great weather today. There’s a ton of stuff that needs to happen in my riotgarden, we need to paint the atelier, we need to fix the lawn and the terrace, but above all I want these days off to be like a writing retreat for me, getting to the core of my writing on henrietteweber.com.
It’s so weird that during this Corona Virus isolation, it seems like everything is fucked up outside of the garden and in here everything is sunshine, grounding as well as birds chirping away. Occasionally the cat comes to visit on the little porch I have in the front.
Sometimes even though this is my little personal messy empire, I feel like an imposter. I do that as well here on the blog. Are they still around – meaning the cool cats that used to listen? Do they still want to hear what I say?
My imposter syndrome is something I have been carrying around for a long time, since childhood and no matter how accomplished or how fucked up I look from the outside, It’s there as a part of me telling me that I am fucking things up and I should not keep pursuing new ventures or new ideas. It doesn’t begin when I start things ( I am a very good starter) it’s something that sneaks up on me after a while. ‘What are you doing?’ ‘are you going to go out of our comfort zone again babe?’, ‘That totally isn’t good enough’, ‘ who would want to read THAT?’.
And then after a while, the voice gets calmer, especially if I carry on doing what is that I have never tried before. Especially if I put ‘the new project’ into well-known structures and tools that I have already worked on and through several times.
In my opinion, though, the imposter could also be seen as a friend instead of a necessary evil of putting yourself out there and being exposed. It has since childhood been my biggest driver, ‘proving’ it wrong. I am not an imposter, I belong here. My words are important and so are my ideas and my projects. – I hope you occasionally feel like that too. Even though I think the whole population on planet earth feels like imposters sometimes.