{"id":433,"date":"2012-09-26T09:30:00","date_gmt":"2012-09-26T09:30:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/henrietteweber.com\/?p=433"},"modified":"2021-01-26T09:32:12","modified_gmt":"2021-01-26T09:32:12","slug":"numb-from-very-high-ambitions","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/henrietteweber.com\/index.php\/2012\/09\/26\/numb-from-very-high-ambitions\/","title":{"rendered":"Numb from very high ambitions?"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

Wanna work around my concept “Inner business bliss”? here’s my soulsearching entrepreneurial story:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A couple of months ago I was talking to my  husband on skype, as we normally do on occasion during a workday. That particular day I had been working consistently on the business without paying so much attention to anything else, a part from the project at hand.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

For the first time ever I was satisfied with my workweek, and not only that, when I wrote the magic words to my husband :”I am so proud of myself”. It was the first time I ever wrote it and felt it. It felt like a feeling coming all the way from the back and hitting me in the head. I kid you not. It was truely the first time ever that I could stand up straight and say “job well done Henriette” to myself.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

And I wish it would have happened before. Maybe that time when a company I worked for, got sold to google. Maybe when I published my first book when I was 29, which I see as quite an accomplishment. Maybe when “why every company was a rockband” was downloaded more than 2000 times in a week. Or when I ended up on a couple of real cool people’s blogs because of my now-closed-startup-that-I-had-no-idea-how-to-run”can I crash”. These things are pretty huge to me and I didn’t linger and take them seriously at the time. I didn’t do the happy dance.  I just continued working. I didn’t take the time to feel what I call my “inner business bliss” – where you’re happy with yourself and damn proud because of your achievements.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It ended up with, that the worst thing you could say to me was “thank you”, “great initiative” or “what a fantastic accomplishment”. Because I thought it was required of me, that it was the primary way of conducting my business. So I was already on my way to the next piece of love\/acknowledgement that would get me happy for about 5 seconds, and if people told me that it made a huge difference in their life I thought “you’ve got to be joking right?”. No inner business bliss at all!<\/p>\n\n\n\n

As far back as I can remember, I have been like that. Pacing myself forward. First born grandchild who really needed to show the world what I was made of. And literally it tore me down. I have no problem getting into action mode, I never had. But I have a hard time stopping up and listening when people say “wow you really made a HUGE difference for me”. I think it’s expected of me to make a huge difference. Or it is expected of me, at least by myself. I will not stop until I know the future of my children will be ok, That global warming and misogyny is something I laugh at, because it’s a thing of the past. Or that this article get’s 1000 retweets and facebook shares. Until I found Gabrielle Bernstein<\/a> through a friend.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Anyway, I found out, that with this level of ambitions, I ended up numbing myself and my actions out. I started thinking that I didn’t matter if I didn’t get a bestseller book or had 100 people sign up for my next webinar. And it got me so down. here’s what I learned:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Nobody expects more of me than myself. I am my own worst critic. I don’t think I am good enough. I need to seach for my inner business bliss<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

And finally here’s my conclusion:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I need to stop being so hard on myself, and need to face the fact that I have a very high ambition level.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

During the last couple of months I have slowly found my inner business bliss: feeling I am perfectly happy around my workweek and my achievements. The light came to me when I started mapping and writing everything down that I did- businesswise. WhenI got the feeling of “wow you’ve accomplished much today” I would stop working and take time off.     Maybe it’s after a 14 hour workday or maybe it’s after a 3 hour workday. If my inner business bliss isn’t ringing then I am not done working.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It also made me WANT to work more than I ever had before. It makes me burn for my work,my message and my mission. I don’t feel indifferent and numb and actionless. I feel strong and important. And I think it’s keeping me from burning out and instead make me burning on.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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Wanna work around my concept “Inner business bliss”? here’s my soulsearching entrepreneurial story: A couple of months ago I was talking to my  husband on skype, as we normally do on occasion during a workday. That particular day I had been working consistently on the business without paying so much attention to anything else, a […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-433","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":207,"url":"https:\/\/henrietteweber.com\/index.php\/2015\/01\/22\/my-pain-and-gain-from-a-life-threatening-illness\/","url_meta":{"origin":433,"position":0},"title":"My Pain And Gain From A Life-Threatening Illness","author":"Henriette Weber","date":"January 22, 2015","format":false,"excerpt":"You see that bit in the tagline on the blog header where it says \"odes to life?\" I want to tell you about my pain and gain. 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