Inner Business Bliss: I Want You To Love Me

Before I acquired my inner business bliss as a mother and as an entrepreneur, I was once a strange girl craving for other people’s love and approval.

The strange girl at the back row

When I was a kid, I was the strange not-cool girl in the back of the classroom. I was one of the last ones to be elected for games. I wore uncool clothes. My parents could first afford the BALL t-shirt that all the other kids had just when they were going out of style.

All I wanted to do was to get other people to like me. But I was bullied for being strange. Then I emphasized the strangeness and started wearing weird makeup and got a punker-boyfriend in Walthamstow, London.

I became a goth girl working for Apple Computers and after that, an indie girl working for danish startups. I became strong enough to throw my boring boyfriend back to the Netherlands. And then I met the love of my life. I became a mother, an entrepreneur, an author, a cherished advisor, a rock-n-roll chick, and a speaker.

But why? What drove me? I think it was the constant craving for love.

My youth and our family’s money issues

I came from a home where money wasn’t something we had, but we never lacked anything else. Some of my friends got on shopping sprees with their parents’ money.

I got 3 newspaper routes that all my family helped out with. I can still see my lovely great-grandmother standing and putting newspapers together, on a Friday night. Thinking about it still gets me crying my eyes out.

I can still hear my Dad shout at me at 6 a.m. on a Saturday morning. He does this to get me out of bed so we could be done with the newspaper routes at 10.

In retrospect, I guess I was raised with the notion that if I decided to work hard, the community and my family would support me and help me out. Money wasn’t something that was given. It was something that was earned.

How I used my money to get people to like me

I used all my hard-earned money to make people love me, get myself invited to parties, and increase my self-esteem. I bought Bertoia chairs, an Eames rocker, the royal Copenhagen set, and the Camilla Skovgaard wedges I have never worn. The monthly gotta-have styles from ASOS is also one of the things I spent on. I used all my money to be the FIRST one be elected for games in our primary school. I have done all these for ages until something called a financial crisis happened and I met someone very dear to me who opened my eyes to something more spiritual and insightful. Suddenly, money was something that needed to be earned and saved. Prices were not something to be increased but lowered and you needed to work your ass off to make ends meet.

From spending to saving; making people love me to loving myself

Actually, my personal focus went from spending to saving; growing, and selecting. There’s a whole personal side to these things as well. But I finally saw one of the largest problems or patterns within me. I needed to shift from asking myself, “do they love me now?” to “do I love myself now?”. I needed to create boundaries for myself and other people.

And I do that all the time now. I listen to myself and feel that I love myself. I don’t really spend any money, au contraire, a lot of my time goes to creating and learning more about money on super cool websites such as learnvest, dailyworth, and others. Serving the people close to me and those who I really liked to be around me is one of the things I loved myself most for. The readers of My business rockers and wonderful geek girls, my network, friends, and my lovely family.

A misunderstood teenager turned into a woman with a plan

Somewhere along the lines, I realized I’m no longer a wild child misunderstood teenager. I am now a woman, a mother, and an entrepreneur. I am now a woman with a plan both for business, the world, myself, and my family.

One of the biggest places I can see myself in is in my speaking gigs. I feel so comfortable on stage now. I feel like I was born there. People say I look like I was born there. I used to be dead-nervous and think that rotten tomatoes would come flying at me at any time.

Now I really want it. Actually, I want a lot of things now, but none of them can be purchased with money and none of them are to impress others. Things that come from serving. By working. By planning.

And I think I can finally say I love myself now. I have that inner business bliss because I know I do cool sh*t. I know where I am supposed to be and what I am supposed to long for and it’s right here in my own hands.

Let’s get started on that inner business bliss rockers, it’s super important for a business.

rock on

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