Actually I thought that hurting peoples feelings and having a huge attitude was something that went out of style when you became 20 or something.
But the other day it was something I saw happening to a friend of mine, and it both made me sick to my stomach, it made me dizzy, and it also put me right back in school as the outsider I always was and still am. It was the same feeling that I had years ago when I was at a school reunion and I felt horrible because the patterns was the same as they where when we attended school. I didn’t get a chance to do differently because they already thought they knew me, and I wasn’t that interesting to them. I hadn’t been interesting 10 and 20 years ago, what would be interesting about me now? They gave me attitude.
That “you’re not good enough to be talking to me” attitude.
That “what have you ever achieved” attitude.
That “why are you approaching me” attitude.
Basically my friend just sat down at a full table and told a lady that she loved her book. Within 3 minutes the table was cleared of other people than her. And I thought ” wow that was extremely harsh and rude”. I think it actually made a larger impact on me than her.
Now in my perspective, we are only succesful because we see ourselves as succesful and we have achieved something because people can relate to what we’re writing or teaching or creating. If the people relation wasn’t there – then you wouldn’t be succesful. There’s no way that I’ll refer anyone to those ladies at that table again. Because I don’t think they deserve it.
In my opinion those ladies have the same pattern as the kids in school. That pattern became the primus motor for me to actually start my own business and publish a book before I was 30.
I really don’t want to get into details, but it just meant the world to me, the outsider, to be the one shouting “I told you so” or “see what I said ? Look who’s awesome now”. Â In some ways it’s a double edged sword, because I can see both my primus motor and what their doing as a part of the same pattern. It’s the “im more succesful than you attitude”.
I have chosen to be humble about it though. it’s not something I shout out- and I think I am pretty welcoming to people, because I know that If I ain’t they will see me as some sort of arrogant bitch, never referring any more clients to me. It might be that it derived from my own insecurities as a person, but I’ve chosen to see it as strenght in my work and my personality. Im the outsider, the one you probably wouldn’t choose to talk at first choice at a cocktail party. Im overweight and I wear weird clothes and I suck at wearing heels. But Im also the one having more fun and getting more love from people, because I am humble because I relate and I give them a 1000 chances to tell me who they are and what they believe in. It could be that we don’t agree or don’t match, then it is what it is. But you have to give people a chance.
So get off your high horse and come down to earth and play. You’re hurting people. And it’s so much more fun here. We even have good music, champagne and cupcakes.