I Needed To Be Blown Out of The Entrepreneurial Ballpark And Take A Break

Trying to get back my lost rhythm

I know there has been radio silence on when it comes to posting frequency. The reason for this is that I have taken a much-needed break from everything and I am starting to figure out how I want to do things smarter.

In retrospect, I can see that I have been running around without my head and heart in things and trying to get ends to meet for far too long. Kind of like a curly digital guru who doesn’t know who she is or what she should be doing, but she needs to get more followers and likes and because it matters for business. I lost track of my core and it almost got the best of me.

Guidance from my spiritual coach

It all changed when I met with my spiritual coach for the first time. The ever-awesome and totally amazing in every way, Mariakaisa Bruun. I met with her to get a better sense of direction from all the things I was doing: Toothless Tiger, (including writing books, articles, and doing speaking gigs), and geek girl magazine. She told me… that I had to pause right now and breathe. That I needed to get some energy back in my cells because otherwise there was rock-bottom out there called “stressed out of my mind and not functioning in any way” and that I couldn’t allow that to happen, because the universe had bigger plans for me. After she said that, I found out that she was right. I was SO unhappy. I was SO into the whole race that I forgot my own brilliance. My specialness. The business avantgardist.

Getting my shit together

This is a learning curve. A different one for me than I have ever been on before. It’s a learning curve called “I need to get my shit together to be all I can be, and I can’t become a complete stress victim before I am 35”.

Since November, there are so many things I have said goodbye to. Things I don’t miss. People I don’t miss. I am so much more focused and more true to myself.

That’s a gift I have found in this process. Because I had lost track. I had no idea what I was doing except for surviving. Surviving is not living. I have been trying to keep entrepreneurial spirit floating, trying to stay true to myself and at the same time making ends meet.

The past couple of years have been dead hard. We have gone through financial hell. And I have kept what I thought was my core intact because otherwise, I would have been selling out. I should probably have sold out and gotten a job a while back, but I just couldn’t. I thought I needed to wave the entrepreneur flag high, to keep producing and performing…

…But I ended up killing the idea of “the digital guru icon” inside of me altogether. I guess I just got too caught up in the game that I forgot myself. I forgot my brilliance and I just became a 5 step mashable article, because I thought I needed to be retweeted. Everybody wants me to be an entrepreneur and so I thought I really have to be one. She’s cool, she’s popular, stylish, curly,  and she’s doing her own thing.

Getting back on my feet

Now, I am back at just doing my own thing. Working on finishing a bunch of projects that are important to me, but hasn’t been touched for ages. Working on polishing some others off. Taking my space. Claiming my ground. Not being an entrepreneur for the sake of being an entrepreneur. Not being an entrepreneur because it’s what you need to be these days. But just being me. Loving myself. Cherishing what I have already given to the world of inspiration and building an empire on that. And just stop and take a walk in nature for once in a while. Taking care of myself. Oh yeah and get those brilliant curly digital guru ideas back again. Because trust me, they are coming back again.

rock on

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